Soapbox Removal

As we take command of our ships in this life and firmly plant ourselves in the Captain's chair, we sometimes lose sight of our course heading regarding our crew, due mainly to the overwhelming sense of empowerment we feel as we take control. We forget that what worked for us may not work for everyone else, and it's ultimately up to them to steer their own boats where they best feel they need to go, and not where you want them to go.

A good friend recently said that there was a fine line between a few words of encouragement, and flat out telling people how to live their lives. People don't like to be meddled with, and it seems that I had forgotten that fine point in the months of late, so much so that I lost no less than three trusted crew from my boat over my own arrogance.

When you live 'outside the box', as I often say, you can see much clearer down the path. Not just for yourself, but for others as well who still continue to live within their own boxes. You want desperately to yank them out of their constraints to get them to see this wonderful, far reaching view, but you can't. You simply can't. Why? Because it's not your job. They must be the ones to take command of their ships, and only them. I mistook 'taking care of your crew' for 'yank them from their boxes regardless of the cost'.

I made the less than effective choice to ignore the warning signs and blaze ahead uninvited down other crew's paths. As they left my boat, I still didn't see that it was my own actions that gave cause for their departure. I stubbornly blamed them for not being able to see what I saw, for not listening to their captain and blindly following his directive. The captain had become too big for his own chair, and I was certainly overdue to have the soapbox kicked out from under me.

That moment would come from one of my most trusted (and now 'former') crew members. I was a captive audience, sitting in heavy traffic as the rain poured down upon the car as we drove to the airport. There was nowhere to go, and after nearly an hour of silence between us, my friend let me have it with both barrels over my actions during the course of our time spent together. I had become a "self righteous prick", and proceeded to tell me how I had been telling them what they needed in their lives to make them better. I even went so far as to embarrass myself with their roommate and another close friend by telling them what they needed as well!

I was finally humbled, knocked from my high perch and returned back to earth. I had went to see my friend in a effort to rebuild a bridge, and through my own arrogant actions, I had inadvertently blown it up, river Kwai style. The long plane flight home gave me ample time to retrace my course heading over the past few months and understand why these precious crew members had left my ship.

My boat keeps flying, but I am saddened over the loss. Life grows too short for me to lose any more crew over my own misguided perceptions of how people should live. Therefore, I'm leaving the soapbox behind. Having a bird's eye view doesn't make you a god. I'm just a captain, one who knows full well that there are always consequences to the choices we make, and some of those are eternal.

My former crew member said it best: "A true friend is someone who lets other friends make their own choices, even if you do not agree with them. You are there to console them when they fail, and celebrate their victory when they succeed."

To sum this long winded post up:

I'm sorry. Deeply sorry for my past actions. You will always be loved, and always be welcomed aboard my boat.

We only move forward in this 'Verse.