Soapbox Removal

As we take command of our ships in this life and firmly plant ourselves in the Captain's chair, we sometimes lose sight of our course heading regarding our crew, due mainly to the overwhelming sense of empowerment we feel as we take control. We forget that what worked for us may not work for everyone else, and it's ultimately up to them to steer their own boats where they best feel they need to go, and not where you want them to go.

A good friend recently said that there was a fine line between a few words of encouragement, and flat out telling people how to live their lives. People don't like to be meddled with, and it seems that I had forgotten that fine point in the months of late, so much so that I lost no less than three trusted crew from my boat over my own arrogance.

When you live 'outside the box', as I often say, you can see much clearer down the path. Not just for yourself, but for others as well who still continue to live within their own boxes. You want desperately to yank them out of their constraints to get them to see this wonderful, far reaching view, but you can't. You simply can't. Why? Because it's not your job. They must be the ones to take command of their ships, and only them. I mistook 'taking care of your crew' for 'yank them from their boxes regardless of the cost'.

I made the less than effective choice to ignore the warning signs and blaze ahead uninvited down other crew's paths. As they left my boat, I still didn't see that it was my own actions that gave cause for their departure. I stubbornly blamed them for not being able to see what I saw, for not listening to their captain and blindly following his directive. The captain had become too big for his own chair, and I was certainly overdue to have the soapbox kicked out from under me.

That moment would come from one of my most trusted (and now 'former') crew members. I was a captive audience, sitting in heavy traffic as the rain poured down upon the car as we drove to the airport. There was nowhere to go, and after nearly an hour of silence between us, my friend let me have it with both barrels over my actions during the course of our time spent together. I had become a "self righteous prick", and proceeded to tell me how I had been telling them what they needed in their lives to make them better. I even went so far as to embarrass myself with their roommate and another close friend by telling them what they needed as well!

I was finally humbled, knocked from my high perch and returned back to earth. I had went to see my friend in a effort to rebuild a bridge, and through my own arrogant actions, I had inadvertently blown it up, river Kwai style. The long plane flight home gave me ample time to retrace my course heading over the past few months and understand why these precious crew members had left my ship.

My boat keeps flying, but I am saddened over the loss. Life grows too short for me to lose any more crew over my own misguided perceptions of how people should live. Therefore, I'm leaving the soapbox behind. Having a bird's eye view doesn't make you a god. I'm just a captain, one who knows full well that there are always consequences to the choices we make, and some of those are eternal.

My former crew member said it best: "A true friend is someone who lets other friends make their own choices, even if you do not agree with them. You are there to console them when they fail, and celebrate their victory when they succeed."

To sum this long winded post up:

I'm sorry. Deeply sorry for my past actions. You will always be loved, and always be welcomed aboard my boat.

We only move forward in this 'Verse.

Personal Creed Decoded Pt. 3

LIVE TO DIE

This is the part of my creed that holds the most confusion. This does not mean to live you life recklessly, without care for your own body and soul, as well as those around you. It does not mean you should indulge in every vice man has ever created, drive at high speeds down a one way street, or embark on a three state looting spree. In other words, taking action in anything that generates negative energy.

"Live to Die" is simply a condensed way of saying; "Live your life as if it was your last day on earth." Live it with passion in every moment you have left. Open your heart wide and love all that surrounds you. Listen to the wind. Feel every emotion as if it was the first time you ever experienced it. Smile. Laugh out loud. Be bold in your endeavors.

As I've stated previously, we only get one go round in this life, so leave everything that doesn't bring you joy behind and focus on the present moment before you. The present moment is all there is, so why shouldn't you be happy while in it?

It's that simple. I honestly don't know if there will be a tomorrow, so I make the most out of today. I take care of my body, my heart, and my soul. I connect with friends. I laugh as often as possible. I am gentle to myself and those around me. I say 'yes' instead of 'no'. I allow myself to cry. I travel to see new places.

I generate positive energy. I make the conscious choice to remain optimistic in a world clouded by pessimism. It's not even about having hope and faith for tomorrow, but rather being mindful of today. I like the feeling of satisfaction that I was present in the 'now' when I retire each night. Many like to say they have their 'good' days and 'bad' days, but why can't every day be a 'good' day?

All comes down to a matter of choice. We choose the day we'd like to have.

Other exist, but I 'live to die', and will continue to do so until it really is my last day in this world...

Guessing Past The Fence

"Learning that we're only immortal for a limited time."
- Rush

I thought I'd take a moment or two to muse upon our own expiration date. This year has been a particularly tough one in the entertainment industry due to a slew of celebrity deaths. That, coupled with few end-of-the-world disaster flicks ("Knowing" and "2012"), it comes as no surprise that we all have mortality on our minds, and where we might venture when our physical life ends in this life.

I never bought into the whole, "Heaven" and "Hell" afterlife as a kid raised in the Catholic church. It just seemed too neat an ending, and the thought of an "All Powerful God" reigning judgment down upon my soul over how I lived my mortal life never sat well with me. I never regard authority figures too highly, for they almost never seem to come from a place of honor. I also maintain a 'see it to believe it' mentality, as I feel that faith only carries you so far, if at all. People are far too quick to chalk up the unhappy events in their lives to "God's will" rather than sitting in their cockpits and flying their own ships.

As I grew older and drifted away from the Catholic faith, I began the search for something a little more 'open ended' when it came to the Great Beyond. The concept of life being a 'one shot' deal didn't seem like nearly enough time for us to nurture our souls through the human condition, especially when some lives are cut short long before they reach their senior years of adult diapers and rocking chairs.

In those early years of my youth, my spiritual quest would lead me to the philosophies of the eastern religions. Zen, Buddhism, Karma, and the like. Within the spiritual constructs lie the belief that essentially we are 'God', masters of our own destinies, and the soul is not just here for a weekend getaway, but returns time and again, one life to the next, on the path to ultimate enlightenment.

I liked the concept of a 'do over'. Being in this life in order to pay off a karmic debt from the last one, then we continue on the path of spiritual growth until we hit the Nirvana jackpot and it is no longer necessary for our souls to return to the Material Plane. Unfortunately, I liked this idea so much that I became lazy in this life and stopped actively living it, believing that if I'm going to come back again, why put forth any effort at all? I would eventually learn (through much pain and stumbling along the path) that I had actually no proof of the reincarnated soul, and if this is indeed a 'one shot' deal, I'd better make the most out of it, as time is never on one's side.

"I don't care what you believe in, just believe in it."
- Shepherd Book

I have no idea what's on the other side of the fence. I have a set of beliefs ('isms that serve as coordinates for my ship), but they could be completely wrong. This is okay, however, because I really like surprises. I can only imagine the look on my face if I found out that 'God' and 'Satan' actually existed, and were milling about the afterlife chucking lightning bolts and pitchforks at each other.

The only thing I know for certain is to live my life with honor, passion, laughter, and love. To live in the positive, regardless of the afterlife outcome. If you're sitting around waiting for Judgment Day, you're probably going to be disappointed. It's like watching a great movie preview, then have the film itself suck.

Monty Python alum Eric Idle sums it up best:

"Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you."

Keep 'em laughing. Now there's a spiritual concept I can really get behind. Why? Because I've seen the outcome with my own two eyes. I've seen the joy in a person's soul, and that to me is a far more spiritual experience that worshiping inside a pew filled building every Sunday, or seeing the image of the Blessed Mary on a Triscuit cracker.

Very Zen to know that the wind moves the trees, rather than to just have faith that one day it might.

Personal Creed Decoded Pt. 2

FIGHT TO FEEL

It's easy for us to become disconnected in today's world. We mute our feelings and emotions to the point of suffocation as a protective measure in an effort to effectively deal with the over stimulation and stress that surrounds us on a daily basis. As time goes on, this squashing of feelings eventually has a detrimental effect on how we interact with other human beings. We suffer from MSS (Mister Spock Syndrome), where cold stone logic replaces emotions and passion.

Since we are not half Vulcan, it doesn't do our hearts or souls any good if we cannot properly express ourselves. Feelings have to be allowed to rise to the surface and make waves as they see fit. To not do so denies us our own humanity, and at the end of a long day, that's sometimes all we have left to fall back upon.

It a grown man cries, it is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of processing. Processing is what allows our soul to grow and change as we move through this mortal life. Processing allows us to love, to heal, and to move forward down the path. So many of us move in circles of self repeating patterns because we stifle the necessary feelings that are needed to continue our own development. I spent many years disconnected from the 'Verse, watching life unfold like a black and white movie, unable to participate because I muted my own feelings to such and extent that I nearly lost my own humanity.

"Fight to Feel" means now actively allowing my feeling to rise to the surface to remain interconnected with all that surrounds me. I no longer can stand on the sidelines of my own life and watch the movie unfold. I must express all emotions fully, boldly, and in living Technicolor. This is the Yang solution to my years spent in a Yin of suppression. So yes, I cry when the spirit moves me, whether seated in a darkened theater, or watching leaves fall from a tree. I laugh and smile more than I ever have. Anger is allowed to surface then be released into the void. I don't hold onto negative (or positive) energy longer than is needed.

The 'fight to feel' is an effort to remain centered within every moment. I will not lose my own humanity again. I retain my logical nature, but I also live my life with joy. A delicate balance.

Besides, being a Vulcan is not all it's cracked up to be, except for maybe that neck pinch thing...

Boxbreakers

Once you step 'outside the box', you can never go back. By using the metaphor of 'box', I am referring to the metaphorical constraints we build up around our hearts and souls during the course of a lifetime. The 'Verse can be an overwhelming place, and the 'box' allows us to limit its view to the point where we can live under the illusion of safety in this world. Many live their entire lives within this shortsighted box, unaware (or perhaps uncaring) of what lies beyond the walls. Some of us widen the box as we get older to allow more of the 'Verse inside, while others even dare so much as to take a peek over the walls to see what lies beyond their view.

Then there are the scant few of us who step out of the box completely. Once that happens, everything changes. Everything. To live outside the box is to open your soul completely to the 'Verse, and that can be an overwhelming thing for most. So overwhelming that it prevents most of us from ever taking a single step forward to command their ship, perfectly content with the autopilot.

I'd never thought I'd be a boxbreaker in this life, but I am. Took me damn near forty years to do it, but I did. When I stepped outside and the view changed so dramatically, I realized that I could never go back. Never again could I slip back into that comfortable existence of ignorant bliss. I am out here now, and I can only move forward with my continued growth. To backslide now would be to thoroughly crush my soul. I tried to imagine my old life of not living, not caring. I couldn't do it.

Once you've seen the view from the outside, the view inside no longer matters.

I have fundamentally changed for a more positive and balanced life. There's no box in which to return. There are those that live even farther outside the box than I, and I wonder what the view is like for them. As it is, I sometimes have a hard time looking at some of my crew with these new eyes. Those kind souls still contained within their walls, their own self repeating patterns. You want desperately to reach in and yank them out, but you know you can't.

Their box is of their own making, and only they can break down the walls. All we can do is watch, wait, and hope. Sure, we offer support, suggestions, even a fresh perspective. But in the end, the onus of responsibility sits squarely on their shoulders. I have to remind myself that no one yanked me out of my very small box. I did the work. I earned the view.

When one finds the silence, one finds the truth. The more the walls come down, the more our souls grow.

We become limitless. We create the passion. We are unbound.

Forged In Film

"That's part of your problem: you haven't seen enough movies. All of life's riddles are answered in the movies."
- "Grand Canyon"

I spent a lot of time in a darkened cinema growing up. A lot. The 80's were a magic decade for film, and I soaked up every ounce of creativity that Hollywood had to offer. In the days before DVD players and home theater systems, it was not uncommon to see the same film two, three, or four times in a theater during the course of its run. I learned more about life from watching movies than anywhere else. Movies are life's defining moments amplified. By seeing them condensed on a big screen, you learn how to identify these moments throughout the course of a lifetime. You pay attention a little more. Living. Not existing.

My parents divorced when I was in the third grade, and my mother would never remarry. I essentially grew up without any 'real live' male role models in my life. My father lived in another state, and my grandfather had died around the age of five. I had no older brothers, and wasn't a sports fan, so there were no coaches to motivate me in school. I was reared in a house full of women. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it did generate an overabundance of Yin energy which I would later on need to balance out with my Yang energy.

So where's a young, strapping lad to turn for the male heroes in his life? While books did help to some extent, I would find my true male role models in the moving images of the silver screen. Bold, brave, larger than life. Men of action. I learned from these characters. They inspired, motivated, and challenged me in ways that few people did outside the theater.

As a result of this unique upbringing, I would never settle for an ordinary life. Only larger than life. I've found wisdom, love, and comfort from these men throughout the years. They entertained. They never aged. They were always there when I needed them, and still are to this day.

As my time in this life continues, I still find myself turning to the silver screen for male role models. Dirk Pitt (film and novels), Mal Reynolds, and Captain Jack Sparrow are three more that I can add to my extended family. There's a funny sort of irony that most of my screenplay protagonists are, in fact, female. Perhaps I still have a bit of extra Yin energy that has seeped into my writing, fused with a strong backbone of Yang energy. I don't suppose I'll ever stop learning from these men, as well as a few 'real live' mentors I've met in my travels. No matter how old I get, they will always be there.

Young. Vibrant. Alive.

I define myself as larger than life. I cannot be any less than I was taught, and I was taught by the best. In their words...

"Do or do not. There is not try." - Yoda
"Remember, no matter where you go, there you are." - Buckaroo Banzai
"You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward."
- Rocky Balboa
"Walk on road, hm? Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk middle, sooner or later, get squished, just like grape." - Mister Miyagi
"So no more runnin'. I aim to misbehave." - Mal Reynolds
"I was born ready!" - Jack Burton

Go see a movie. Find the moments you've been missing.

Personal Creed Decoded Pt. 1

As you may have noticed, I live by a personal creed:

Dare to Dream. Fight to Feel. Live to Die.

I believe personal creeds are important in the definition of the self. They keep us from straying too far off the path, set goals for us to reach, and ground us when our ship seems to spin too far out into the 'Verse.

A personal creed should be just that. Personal. I have no problem adapting my life to the guidelines set by others, be it the Ten Commandments (Thou shalt not have ANY fun in this life) or the wisdom of Yoda (There is no try), but in doing so our soul still remains one step removed from it. If we stumble in the execution of the creed of another, we can simply shrug and say those words weren't really meant for us, thus avoiding taking any personal responsibility.

A personal creed, on the other hand, is created by us and defined by all that we are, and all we wish to be. If we fall, we have no one to blame but ourselves. A personal creed binds us to our actions in this life. It forces us to hold ourselves accountable, and that makes it much harder to walk away from the words we have set before our own souls.

With this in mind, I'm going to decoded my own personal creed as an example of how one can create a written self defining statement in this life, then strive each and every day to live up to those words. Onward...

DARE TO DREAM

It's one thing to have dreams. We all share hopes and goals in this life, things we'd like to accomplish within the limited time frame of human existence. However, without the courage and passion needed to pursue those dreams, they will always remain forever out of reach, like a taunting brass ring on the carousel of the 'Verse.

I spent many years keeping my dreams out of reach. I found every excuse in the world not to embrace my passion, to follow the nature of my own soul. Upon that path I found no happiness, no comfort in this world. In the end the dreams would still there, bright and bold as ever, but the time in which to actualize those dreams was now shortened. Time I will never get back in this life. I knew I would finally have to take a stand.

"Dare to Dream" defines my courage and passion to pursue my goals without limits or doubts. I DARE to dream in widescreen, to realize my vision of myself as an artist (screenwriter and filmmaker), swordsman, and adventurist. I then set about on the paths that will allow me to fulfill those dreams without hesitation and without standing still. Life relentlessly moves forward, and one cannot reamin a rock in a fast moving stream.

Dreams die only if we are afraid to make them come true.

As a certain homeless man once said in 1990's "Pretty Woman": "Some dreams come true, some don't; but keep on dreamin'."

He was referring to life in Hollywood, but I think the message is universal. Dreams may change, but as long as there is courage and passion behind your dreams, you stand an excellent chance of realizing them in this life.